Greg Lee

The Re-GREG-ssionist

Gregory Lee is a seasonal hedgetrimmer from Toledo, Uraguay. But Greg has also been thousands of other people. Through a series of intense meditative trances, hot zumba classes, and accidentilly eating an expired blueberry yogurt in 2014, Greg has unlocked the memories of his past lives. He invites you to travel back through his previous vessels.

1957-Present Day

Modern Greg

The current iteration of Greg, who enjoys swimming, going to weddings, and moving outdoor furniture inside before it rains. He is currently residing in a broken down hovel that was destroyed by a freak thunderstorm most likely targeting him for his past transgressions. Greg spends most of his time trying to explain to his doctor that his 'phantom foot pain' is actually a spear wound from his mortal enemy Maximus the First sustained during the latin rebellion of Pomatina in 502 BC.

Victorian Era
1882-1949 AD

Gretta "Big Momma" Mallory

Born in the slums of Lick Skillet Alabama, Gretta was able to rise through the ranks of music using her soulful timbre and take-no-shit attitude. She was known familiarly as "Big Momma", a nickname earned from being the largest black woman by circumference (though not by weight) in history. While not as popular as her contemperaries like "Blind Tom" Wiggins, Reginald "Right Above It" Mondo, and Betty "The Bucket" Donk, experts at the time agreed she actually had the best sound in the genre. She attributed this sound to her routine of gargling pond scum, which modern Greg continues to this day.

Renaissance
1504-1555 AD

Gregorio de Medici

A distant cousin to Pope Leo X, Gregorio was born in Mugello, which lies somewhere in present day northern Tuscany. Gregorio was an artist who was ahead of his time, mostly because he refused to paint anything other than ankles. He believed ankles were the window to the soul. He was eventually asked to leave Florence.

Yid
1340 BC

Schlomo Worthlesshire

You heard of the Prophet Jacob? Yea, this guy was his house cleaner. Other than that, everthing about Schlomo was sub-par. He sucked at Golf and it took him forever to book his plane tickets. When Jacob fired him for being a yutz and a nudnik he wandered the desert for 40 days and 40 nights with no food until he encountered the devil. And the devil said unto to him "If you are the prophet tell those stones to become bread". He asked the devil "do you have any basalt". Grvg 4.1-11

fly
1340 BC

Grzzt

Grzzt was a fruit fly that hatched on saturday 3pm and on thursday 11am dried horse poop fell on her while tidying the bathroom and she died, though not immediadtly as she lay there suffering for 3 minues which is equivilent to years in human terms. Greg does not feel safe cleaning the bathroom to this day. This fly incredibly had 74,000 children by the age of 3 days, which earned her a reputation as a house wrecker fly.

Homo Habilis
2 Million Years Ago

Grog

As a proto-human, Grog was a visionary. He was among the most famous in his clan for inveting sitting - they had previously just stood up or laid down to that point. Because of this he had the best dirt patch in the area. He was bashed in the head with a rock while performing his hit song "uga bonga dooga da duuuu da da du da duuu da da". Apparently one of the others didnt like it. Greg feels it was his neighbor maggu bu who did it though he has no evidence.